Thanksgiving 2023

The holiday season is upon us, regardless of your religious beliefs and practices. They can also be a time of a lot of heavy emotions as we navigate firsts or multiples.

This year, Thanksgiving would have been my 43rd wedding anniversary. It is a day that in some ways I dread.

I miss Stephen and have shattered dreams of growing older together and sharing our daughters and grandchildren’s lives as they mature. It is also a time to be grateful for the 18 years we had together and the dreams we achieved: becoming parents through adoption, buying and renovating a home together, and becoming innkeepers.

Over the 23 years since Stephen’s passing, I have changed my holiday traditions a few times from eating at restaurants to hosting Friendsgiving dinner potlucks with my chosen family, to going to other peoples’ homes. This year, I will be bringing Brussels sprouts with butternut squash and cranberries to one of my daughter’s inlaws’ homes.

If you see me, wish me a Happy Anniversary as well as Thanksgiving. Mention something about Steve, if you knew him. It helps. My mother used to fear mentioning his name thinking it made it harder for me. It doesn’t. It validates that he existed and still does through memories that reside with others too.

Think of your friends and family. Acknowledge their loved ones who have passed. Take a few moments to reach out and let them know they’re in your thoughts.

Have you started a gratitude practice? If not, this is a great time to begin. Start each day with 2-5 things you’re grateful for. Before long, you’ll be listing a lot more things, people, experiences, etc., and find that as the list grows so does your positivity.

You can use your senses to help. For example, what smell brings back lovely memories? What food tastes like love to you? What picture comes to mind when you think of a most joyful time? What about sounds that make you smile? Write them all down and look at them on a regular basis. Tomorrow either answer a different prompt or give a new answer to the same questions. On Thanksgiving, you can write about your favorite Thanksgiving memory and why it is so memorable. The more details you include, the more the memory is stimulated and can bring you more joy! After all, isn’t that what we need more of, especially during these dark days?